Hannah's Story

My name is Hannah Branton and I live in Benton, Arkansas. I gave birth to my son almost 3 years ago. I was well-versed in the signs of postpartum depression; I am a health professional.

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However, I didn't fully grasp how depressed I was during my son's whole first year of life until he was about 18 months old. My insurance provided nurse follow up calls after birth. I screened positive for depression on one of the phone calls. She told me to tell my doctor at my next appointment. Of course, once the appointment came around I wasn't feeling too horrible and I was afraid. Questions like "will she try to put me on medication? Will they think I'm no safe to be around my baby? If I take medicine will I have to stop breastfeeding?" ran through my mind and I did not tell her. More nights than not, after I would put my sweet baby to bed, I would think about how terrible of a mother I was. I would think about how nice it would be for him and my husband if I was gone. My husband could find a better mom for him and everyone would be better off. I would often be driving over a bridge and think about the relief I would feel if I drove off. I realized later that I was suicidal and my son's whole first year was under a dark cloud. By the grace of God I am still here.

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In our state, we don't do a great job following up with moms after birth. We depend on them to actively voice when something is wrong. The problem? We don't always recognize when there is a problem. We need to ensure that not only mothers know the signs of PPD but EVERYONE.